You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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