I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
