You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
