he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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