Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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