If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
