doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
