I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
