he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
