i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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