i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
