put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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