i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
