Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
