in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
