ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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