A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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