this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
