Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
