She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
