was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
