There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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