hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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