I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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