idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
