So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
