I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
