If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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