I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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