then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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