If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
