I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
