If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
