I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
