I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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