Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bet he comes in French.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
