just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
