This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
