he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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