So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
