she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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