I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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