Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
