Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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