Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
