hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
