So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
