You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
