Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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