He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
