im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
