About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
