I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
