I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
