Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
