i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
