remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
