im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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